Be the Change You Wish to See

I’ve heard this a few times over the past few months. I need to get this out. If I don’t, it’ll stay here, rattling inside my head, disrupting the fragile chords binding my mind together. “Be the change you want to see.” A representative from the Pinephone project said that to me when I asked them about accessibility in the project. Some one else said it to me when I asked what people would like me to do when encountering their toots without image descriptions. This all is on Mastodon, by the way.

I have to examine the phrase, and how it makes me feel. I feel on one hand press down, punched down. I can’t do everything. I don’t know the first thing about the software on the pinephone. And I can’t see to describe images. It makes me want to give up on FOSS and programming altogether. Who am I to think I can do all that anyway? I’m just a slow, stupid, lazy *blind* boy. What can I do to match these people who can code? I should be happy with Windows, Apple, Android, and not even bother with FOSS, Linux, Python, all that. Plus, developers don’t care about accessibility, so why should I care about them. Damn them all! All of them!

It makes me feel like they’re mocking me. Saying that since I don’t know programming, that I can’t do much, that I *cannot* be the change I wish to see. Like dangling a bone in front of a dog, just out of reach, and mockingly saying “Here boy, you want this? You want it right? Oh yes you do! Come get it boy, come get it!”

But then, vengeance kicks in and I think about what I *can* do. I *can* keep trying! I *can* keep reaching for understanding of Python, at least. I *can* keep using Linux, keep making issues on project repositories, and reminding the abelist FOSS community that blind people exist! That we want to use this software! That we, just like sighted people, don’t like being beholden to a large corporation.

So, I’ll keep trying, despite them. I’ll throw it back in their faces, the FOSS ass holes, by doing even better. By plunging into Automate the Boring Stuff. By working even harder to ensure that Gnome 40 and GTK4 are more accessible. I know, I don’t have much energy. I know, depression and the desire to just give up is strong. But I have to keep trying. Because if I don’t, who else will? Definitely not FOSS Holes.

So yeah, I’ll be the change I want to see. But it may not be the change *they* want to see.